The End of the Beginning

     "I lost the man I loved today." Sitting in that hospital room as the machines flat-lined was the most depressing day in their forty year marriage.  It was worse than the time he wrecked the car and almost ran over their son, the day their son was killed in that war he signed up for or even her many trips to the psychiatric hospital. All of that was very painful, but this was by far the lowest point.  Her hands had politely folded as the doctor explained what her next course of action should be.  The life insurance he had gotten back when they were first married had matured to a nice tidy sum, so she wasn't worried about burying him. On the plus side, at least she knew she could live comfortably off of the remainder.  Mainly because it was just her in the world now.  And that was days ago.  Now she was standing in front of all of his old friends, business partners and family giving this long drawn out speech that seemed to come from some old woman and not his wife.
     "At least I'm burying the man I love today.  When the doctor told me that everything on him was failing, I thought about what Jordan told me the day of our son's funeral.  He said 'Tessa, honey, this isn't the end.  This is just the beginning for him.  He's standing at that sign post up there that tells us where to go. He'll stay there looking lost until we get there to tell him where to go.  You know kids are completely useless without us.'  And I laughed.  I laughed long and hard when I thought that.  Doc Planter thought I was delirious from grief and I wondered if he wasn't right.  But looking at how peaceful Jordan looks in that coffin, I have to say that I think he found our son waiting at the sign post and they made it to a great place together."  She wasn't crying.  She knew that he wouldn't have wanted that from her.  He'd tell her something about how crying was for old biddies and babies and that she was neither.  Tessa could smile today because her husband would have wanted it that way.  She took time as she spoke to observe the room and she noticed that very few of her family members had made it, but that was more than likely how short of notice they'd had.  That and distance.  They had all loved Jordan and she hadn't been that sure that he was going to die, so she had kept it to herself for the most part.  She'd mentioned to her sister that he was sick , but her sister had said not to worry, that the Lord would save him.  Tessa had never doubted it, but she found it hard to decide one way or another.
     "Jordan and I were not really that religious, but he did believe there was something above us that guided us along the road of life.  He also believed in his heart that we were meant to be together and that the Power that Is needed Charlie more than we did.  He also said that it was all right that I was never able to have another child because he said we were just enough happiness for the two of us and that was good enough for him.  My husband was a loving, caring individual and I have to tell you, there's never been another man like him in the entire world.  I used to joke that he was my missing puzzle piece and when I found him, I found me.  He'd say, 'That may well be, Tess, but if that's true, you're the most challenging puzzle I've ever seen solved in one move.'  He never said anything he didn't truly mean and he very seldom found any reason to raise his voice to me or to anyone for that matter."  Pictures ran through her mind as she let the words fall from her mouth.  The sakura blossoms of past events floating to her audience as softly and as far reaching as the small room allowed them to be.  Things like how Jordan had laughed when he found out how Charlie had managed to get himself covered head to toe in pre-packaged pudding.  Just like the time Jordan had held Charlie when his first girlfriend died in her bathroom when her lamp accidentally fell into the bathtub of water she was splashing her bare feet in (while she was actually using the restroom.)  Most notably, the time Jordan came to visit her in the psych hospital for about the fifth time that year and he brought her the magazine with the jokes in it to make her feel better.  She'd smiled so wide that her nurse asked her if that was the reason she was always humming those old love songs or if it was just that she was going senile.  Tessa had joked with her that it was more than likely both.
     "Jordan's last days in the hospital should have been hard, but it wasn't.  You'd think that seeing him so frail and dying would have broken me but, truth be told, he never let me be sad or upset.  He'd lift his weary hands and get them as close to me as possible and smile while quipping that if I wanted to smile, it was just a hands-breadth from me.  Any time my eyes started to tear up or my heart got heavy, he'd smile that winning smile at me and blow me a kiss like he did when we were kids.  I couldn't help it but, damn it all, I laughed.  I laughed all the way from the top of my forehead to the soles of my feet.  Jordan had always been infectious, ever since I first met him in that first high school English class.  When we were married (and right up until three days ago,) all that time I was completely in love and in awe of him.  His capacity for love, understanding, and all the wisdom and sense of humor that laced everything he ever said.  So when you pay your last respects today, keep in mind that Jordan can hear you and he'll expect happy faces and fond memories.  Nothing more and nothing less.  Bless you all and please join me for the reception if you like."  She stepped down from the podium and felt tons lighter.  She had wondered which of them would go first, back when they were first married and she though back then that she'd never survive without him.  And now that it had finally happened, she was glad that she knew better.  She was glad that Jordan had been right all along.